all I ever wanted…

about my travelogues, adventures in life, fashion, beauty and the occasional rambling.

Britney Spears – Baby One More Time

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Wrote this last week but forgot to post it. Very random, sometimes incoherent, definitely raw.

*********************

I’m not a person who spends a lot of time missing the past but today I find myself reminiscing quite a lot after listening to Britney Spears’ Baby One More Time.

It returned me to my primary school days because this song was super popular when I was in primary 6. Suddenly I feel old, so much has happened since I was a kid! The events all crowd around in my mind, and I just sat there reliving it all. Buying my 50cents fishball noodles, having my allowances cut because I spent too much money in the bookstore fml, getting lost walking home from school because I refuse to take the school bus and thought I was going to get kidnapped double fml…now maybe you can understand why I don’t like to think about the past because somehow the events that stuck in my head aren’t really pleasant memories. In fact, I don’t really have many good memories when I was a kid except maybe my swimming lessons. But that was only because I love swimming and not because I was the popular kid. I was the awkward kid.

Only after growing up, I fought harder for what I want, determined not to be that kid anymore. I learnt to speak up, to get noticed, and not to give in any sort of bullying. I try hard to stand up for what is right, I stumble along the way…I don’t dwell on the unhappy things, I find it difficult to feel compassion and to be helpful, I feel disconnected from the world sometimes. I feel lost all the time.

Some days…days like this, make me realise how far I’ve come, how long I still have to go…It makes me ponder on the purpose of life, it makes me emotional, it makes me want to just get out of Singapore and live a different life altogether else well. What would it be like if I was living in a small town somewhere in the UK?

But at the end, on such days, I can only shake myself out of the day dreams, stop myself from living in my head and continue to work hard to be the person I want to be and live a life I don’t regret.

Xx, Ashlyne

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Written by whitepaperroses

August 24, 2012 at 11:04 AM

Posted in musings

Tagged with , , ,

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