all I ever wanted…

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No, this is not going to be a long-assed post reviewing my year in 2013 and setting unachievable goals in 2014. BUT I still want to write something, haven’t done that for a long time anyway.

The only thing I want to remain myself for 2014 is to stay positive! It is going to be difficult with so many changes in personal life and work and my increasingly negative outlook in life but I am going to TRY.

Also, I tried being very giving in 2013 and did enjoy it most of the time. But towards the end of the year, I got more and more unhappy with my family because I felt like I was the only one giving all the time. Anyway, they can’t say that I am stingy because that’s what they taught me along with twisted logics like how paying money to a nanny to take care of me and only bringing me back on Sat night is the act of noble parents.

Yes I am starting off 2014 angry, and I don’t even know if it will subside by the end of the year. Maybe I will get distracted, maybe not. They always say once you have your own kids, you will finally understand your parents’ pain in bringing you up but all I feel is anger and disappointment that I have shut off over the teenage years due to my focus on getting a better life. Or maybe it’s because I have bee sober now for 6 months.

Perhaps this is why they always say don’t bottle your feelings.

Whatever it is, I have to really get myself to stay focused again on the new goals T and I have set for our family in this roller-coaster year and stay positive!


Written by whitepaperroses

January 2, 2014 at 11:38 PM

Posted in ranting, reflections

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