all I ever wanted…

about my travelogues, adventures in life, fashion, beauty and the occasional rambling.

Archive for May 2014

Living the life

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These days I am at home mostly since I have a baby to take care of. So I am on social media a lot even more often to feel like I am still connected to the outside world.

That is the positive side of social media.

The negative thing is, it has lead me to a serious case of envy when I see friends my age enjoying their weekend brunches, weekday dinners, travels and whatnot. While I am stuck at home ALL DAY.

I thought to myself, wow (s)he is really living the life now!

Then I questioned myself, what does living the life really mean? Is travelling all over the world/spending extravagantly the only way(s)? I reflected upon myself and it occurred to me that I would have thought myself to be living the life too in my current circumstances. I mean, starting a family at 26 has always been ideal because I don’t want to have too much of an age gap and to be honest, I don’t think I will have the energy to keep up with the kids if I have them late in my life.

I really should take a step back and count my blessings more often instead of always looking over to the grass on the other side.

Hope you do and happy weekend!


Written by whitepaperroses

May 31, 2014 at 10:56 AM

Posted in musings

The ‘Use-it-up’ Project (31) – May Edition

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Another month has passed. I am not too sure if time is passing slowly or too quickly. Totally depends on when you ask me, if baby T is crying then I am most likely to be thinking that my days are as long as years now hahaha.


1) Nivea – Sun Invisible Protection Transparent Spray

why did I buy it? there was a period when I went swimming every week so I bought this for sun protection.

first impressions? I really like how convenient the spray is and it was very easy to rub it into the skin as well.

upon finishing? I didn’t finish this at all because I stopped swimming in the mornings and started in the late afternoons when I felt that sun protection wasn’t necessary. Also this has a smell that I really didn’t enjoy. And I found another spray that is even more awesome from Biore which I used for my Maldives trip!

2) L’oreal – Smooth-Intense Anti-Frizz Serum (Leave-In)

why did I buy it? always looking for something to tame my hair!

first impressions? it did an average job at smoothing out my hair so I was quite inconsistent in using it.

upon finishing? I forced myself to use it everyday and I am glad that I managed to finish it but I very much prefer argan oil by Skinfood to this.

3) Clinique – All About Eyes Gel

why did I buy it? I have tried this before and it worked well so I repurchased it.

first impressions? love how hydrating it is.

upon finishing? The only complain I have about this is that it is in a tub which is unhygienic. It will also be great if it can solve my dark eye circle problems but overall, I do enjoy using this. Will definitely repurchase in future once I finished my current stash of eye creams.

4) Clinique – Even Better Eyes (Dark Circle Corrector)

why did I buy it? as I mentioned above, I really wanted something for my dark eye circles.

first impressions? love the cooling tip that depuffs the eye area.

upon finishing? I don’t see any improvements at all! Very disappointed as it was a rather expensive eye cream.

5) Steamcream

why did I buy it? another steamcream gone! Read here about what I think about it in previous posts.

6) Bath&Body Works – Candy Apple Anti-bacterial Hand Gel

why did I buy it? got this in a haul when they were having 5 for $5 promotion. So cheap! I always like to have anti-bacterial gel lying around in my purse and vanity area.

first impressions? love this scent! if I am not wrong, they only promote this during Christmas time. Not sure if they will still have it this year.

upon finishing? love it and don’t mind getting more of them since they are so cheap and smell ridiculously good.

7) Biotherm –  Anti-drying Body Milk

why did I buy it? got this in a Bellabox subscription.

first impressions? a rather thin body lotion that absorbs well into the skin.

upon finishing? I felt that it was pretty average, definitely not something that I would purchase myself.

8) Too Faeed – Lashgasm Mascara

why did I buy it? got this as part of a two faced makeup set that I decided to get!

first impressions? it is one of the better mascaras that I have tried as it lengthens well after a couple of coats.

upon finishing? Still prefer my falsies because they give me double eyelids!


Dreaming of a holiday right now ~.~

Written by whitepaperroses

May 28, 2014 at 7:08 PM


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One month has passed since I gave birth. Thought I should pen down my labor process lest it gets forgotten down the road.

14 April 2014 – 2 days after my expected delivery date.

I started experiencing irregular contractions around 10plus in the morning and regular ones from noon onwards. However, I was still very unsure whether it’s real labor contractions or false ones because I could still bear the pain. When the contractions got closer together (5 minutes apart), we decided to call our doctor. He didn’t even ask me about my contractions, just asked me to head straight to the hospital! Anyway, during our last visit, he was pretty sure that I would be delivering within the next few days.

So T and I checked that we got everything and I managed to squeeze in a quick shower before heading over to the hospital.

The hospital we went to is Mount Elizabeth Hospital. T dropped me off at the entrance while he went to park the car and someone escorted me to the labor ward. Initial checks showed that I am already 5cm dilated! That was at 4pm.

Got the epidural in really quick and I was glad for that because the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. The nurse told me that if I feel any slight pain, I have to let her know to increase the epidural amount which I did eventually. There was a machine reading the strength of the concentration and T had fun looking at the graph climbing and peaking while I winced in pain waiting for the increased epidural dosage to kick in. Boo 😦

We were also told to wait till the cervix is dilated till 10cm before baby can come out, and that 1cm usually takes about an hour. I was pretty on time, and my cervix was fully dilated around 8plus pm. I was also told to call the nurse if I feel like passing motion, because that would mean that the baby is pushing her way out. My water bag broke when the nurse did her final check on my cervix. It was a very strange feeling, like I had squeezed a water balloon with my thighs and it broke. The nurse gave my gynae another call (they called him frequently to update him on my status) and he totally took his time to come! Not sure if that’s the case or it’s just new parents’ nerves haha.

When he finally arrived, he dressed appropriately and the nurse put me into position. Everything happened so quickly and before I knew it, I was asked to push. I tried really hard, for the two chances he gave me anyway before it was decided that the vacuum is to be used! Before going into the hospital, T said that he definitely wouldn’t want the gynae to use vacuum but at that time, I think he was too shocked to say anything.

Soon, at 8.43pm, baby T was born! 

The gynae threw her to me immediately after and did his stuff like getting the placenta out and stitching me up. I feel ashamed to say that I didn’t want to carry my baby after birth at all! I felt so drained of energy after giving birth, and all I wanted was to quench my thirst and sleep. I begged the nurse to give me some water and she allowed two sips. Soon after, I was vomiting my guts and the nurse got chided by my gynae. Apparently, because I had epidural, I wasn’t allowed any drop of water or food at all.

Anyway, after all these drama, they finally took the baby to clean her up. The nurse said that she can help me latch on and start breastfeeding as soon as I am ready. But like I said, all I wanted to do was to sleep so I politely rejected her. Soon, everyone left the room and I drifted off while T carried her for a full hour.

After I regained a bit of my consciousness, I started breastfeeding for a little bit while waiting for them to transfer me to my ward. Which took forever by the way because they have to transfer another patient first wtf. The wait was horrible, it made me feel like nobody in the hospital cared about me and my newborn baby (read: hormones speaking).

I felt so much better after being transferred into my room. The absence of the smell of blood helped a lot as well. I finally got to have some milo since it was already midnight by the time I got to my room, and biscuits too.

And that is my labor journey! Not very exciting, and a relatively quick one considering that it’s my first. All these I am thankful for.

This also marks the end of my pregnancy and the start of parenthood! More updates to follow :p

Written by whitepaperroses

May 14, 2014 at 10:15 AM

Posted in Parenthood

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My Breastfeeding Journey

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With breastfeeding touted as the best way (so to me, it’s the only way) to go these days, I have always known that I wanted to breastfeed even before I was pregnant. I read up quite a bit, though I wasn’t obsessed because I was quite optimistic that my breasts will not fail me.

After having the baby for almost 4 weeks now, I can say that my breastfeeding journey has not been the way I had expected at all and definitely not easy. I mean, I read like a million times ‘it’s going to be difficult in the beginning’ but it just didn’t register in my brain and I got the shock of my life when I finally understand how difficult it was going to be.

Let’s start from the beginning.

For the first two days of baby T’s life, I was still feeling smug because she was sleeping really well and I was ‘feeding on demand’. Well, now I know it’s my naive thinking. Nobody told me that babies ‘wake up’ on their third day. So for her third day, which is also the day I get to go home (and finally shower!), I have a  hungry baby who was crying non-stop while T was trying to get me discharged. Adding to that, PD who visited us in the morning told us that she lost weight (~200g) and asked us to supplement with formula. It was only a couple weeks later that I learnt that breastfed babies typically lose about 10% of their weight in the first week of birth pffft.

Anyway, can you even imagine how stressful I was that afternoon!

I had her on the breast for 90% of the time for the 3 hours in the hospital, and dreading going home since there’s no nurse to look for then. I literally begged for the nurses to send in a lactation consultant before I leave. I was expecting the same lady I had seen for the past couple of days but a different one came. She was super friendly and helped me with massaging my breast. I also raised my concerns about the PD wanting me to supplement with formula, and she didn’t insist that I should persevere with exclusively breastfeeding (which is what the previous LC did) and asked me to make the decision that will be best for me and the baby’s health and mental state when the time comes. And should I need to supplement, I should use a cup/baby spoon for feeding instead of bottle to avoid nipple confusion. This made me feel much less guilty about getting formula from hospital eventually.

Well, the silver lining for that afternoon is that at least she didn’t cry on the short car ride home.

We met the confinement lady at our house and my mom and sis came too and you guessed it, the baby started crying again soon after we reached home. No matter how much I have her on the breasts, she just doesn’t seem to be satisfied. I finally succumbed to feeding her with 20ml of formula at night as I couldn’t stand the feeling of her being hungry and she gobbled it up.

Looking at her greedily drinking up the milk made me teared because it made me feel like I starved her for too long! What kind of mother am I to make my child starve?

However, I was determined not to give up. I thought to myself, my milk supply will certainly be up by next week!

I tried latching on as much as I can, I finished every single dish the confinement nanny cooked for me, I drank red dates tea like crazy, I try as much as possible to pump after every feeding AND slot in a power pumping session a day but my milk supply still hasn’t caught up with her growing needs.

Since then I have been trying my best to feed her as much as I can and supplement with formula if she still seems really hungry. Some days, I feel good about this decision I have made because it certainly made everyone’s lives easier and happier of course. Other days, I cry uncontrollably, not being able to understand why I can’t be like those legendary 牛 (literally translated as milk cow). 

These days, I have more good days than bad. Instead of being depressed over the fact that I don’t have enough milk for her, I thank God that she is eating well and does not suffer from nipple confusion, and happily drinks both formula and breastmilk. I am also happy to report that her intake of breastmilk is more than formula.

Just the breastfeeding part alone has been quite a ride so far, and I still have so much to learn!

I need to keep in mind that there is no perfect parent and what’s most important is that I love her with all my heart!


Written by whitepaperroses

May 7, 2014 at 4:24 PM

Posted in Parenthood

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